Mom Life Times Two

Lately I haven’t been able to bring myself to write much of anything. Aside from my daily log of baby poops, feeds, nap and wake up times – I just didn’t feel like opening myself up and pouring out what was going on in my head.

I even stopped working on my novel because I was too darn wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself. But I think I just needed a knock in the head, or rather my toddler to chuck one of his gazillion toys at me to snap out of my mombie woes.

So yeah, I’m still in the thick of it. The crazy sleepless, physically and mentally exhausting time that is the first year of a child’s life hasn’t even begun to soften up.

Although, I do feel my head has finally come above water now that the newborn phase is over. My daughter was most definitely a colicky baby and the poor girl’s digestive problems were causing her to screech and cry at an ear piercing volume for the majority of the day and, unfortunately, the night as well.

But as each week passed, things began morphing and settling into a slightly calmer but still demanding pace. As I have spent the last few days engaging in a lot of self talk I’ve realized I’m being an absolute ungrateful pansy.

Instead of complaining about the difficulty and exhaustion of life with a 4 month old and an almost 3 year old I need to embrace this new role as a mom times two.

I spend every waking moment googling how to get my daughter to sleep through the night when my toddler son doesn’t even do that every night yet. It’s time to just suck it up and roll with the punches. It’s time to dust off, shake out these self-pitying thoughts and accept that for now, life revolves around these kids. Day and night. Whether it’s 4PM or 4AM, they need me. Because I’m their everything right now, and you know what they’re mine too.

This doesn’t mean I should completely revoke my right to b*tch about having to get up for the umpteenth time to try to settle my baby or snap when my son makes a face at the third dish I present to him. It’s okay to vent, and it’s also okay to take a breather and accept help. After all, you can’t pour from an empty pot. But what you can do is take a step back, and realize that all these moments that seem torturously difficult are the ones so many yearn for. And I’m so very blessed to have the family I do and to have the honour of being these two crazy little munchkins mommy.

Writing may have taken a back seat, for now, but I also think it’s time to replenish my expressive side by combining the two most important things in my world right now – the need to connect, and the need to care for my children. So from now on (as many have requested) the Amrita Literature page will be known as a mommy blog 🙂 …

Stay tuned to hear about what I have learned so far from two very different kiddos, and what products have helped me tend to their vastly different needs.

Thanks for sticking by in my absence,

I hope you’re all having a wonderful start to your new year!

– Amrita Lit

A Mother’s Love

To have a child is to get another chance at loving yourself
They’re the summary of all the things you never knew you could be
They’re the part of you that you never even knew you had
You suddenly have this all encompassing strength and resilence to keep pushing forward
Things get pushed into the corners of the right perspective
Everything that used to matter doesn’t anymore
It’s a new reality, a new life
A second chance at it all
A time to get it right and even if you don’t
They’ll still always be right by your side
Looking up at you & reaching out,
Into the depths of the most giving parts of your soul

Mom Life: Onward & Upward

There’s certain life events which are definitively life altering. You think of your life as two ends of a spectrum on either side of this event. For many mothers – this point of revolution is the day they became a parent.

Life before baby was fairly uncomplicated. I worked for my family business, was a fairly decent wife, daughter-in-law, and daughter. And generally just kept to myself basking in the simple joys of an occasional movie night or take-out meal.

Then came the on a loop blurred together few months of motherhood involving diaper changes, feeds, difficult to induce burps, and gummy smiles to keep you chuggin’ along.

Sure I complain about all the challenges supporting a wee little life brings, but you know what I have come to realize now that I’ve come up for some air at the one year mark. That parenthood is pretty dang awesome.

The positive changes of becoming a parent are something that no one really talks about. Aside from the obvious – having an unconditional eternal promise of love straight from the depths of your soul directly into a mini-me version of yourself. There’s also the fact that if you’re the ‘type-a’ personality type like myself – you’re not going to take your new role as a mother lightly.

Meaning in every aspect, at every moment, you will devote your absolute entire being to becoming the best in every form relevant to your child.

I quickly learned that in order to be a good mom I needed a few key factors to fall into place. They weren’t easy to come by but my oh my are they essential to keeping your marbles and being able to utilize them in the best way possible.

For starters, you need some decent amount of chunked together sleep. Not an hour here, and hour there, while blearily fumbling for the soother in the middle of the night then failing to get it into your child’s mouth hoping for just five more minutes of solitude. No, I mean actual quality disturbance free sleep. Here’s where the benefit of living with extended family comes in (yes there’s perks too).

When my body was still healing and I was recovering from the throes of childbirth I used to hand off my child for some one on one (or two on one) grandparent time in the wee hours of the morning and shove my face back into my pillow and sleep like I had never slept before.

Just those two consecutive hours of sleep were all I needed in order to feel like an actual human being again.

Then once I started getting my footing as a parent and moving about at a normal pace and fashion wasn’t so daunting – I realized I needed to feel good about myself again.

So began my trek to “shed the baby weight.” I yoga-ed, I ran, I dieted, and the results came.

It wasn’t easy, and it still isn’t, but the emotional and physical improvements are enough to keep me going on this path of self-improvement.

A year is all it took for me to realize that my child has truly brought out the best in me. Aspects of myself that I didn’t even know existed are now what brings me the self-confidence and happiness to keep going and keep smiling while I am at it.

Everyone speaks of the sleepless nights and how they miss their freedom – but let’s not forget that having a kid is a huge increase of responsbility which brings about SO MUCH good in your life.

Having my son has pushed me out of my comfort zone (that started with the very first pre-natal doctor’s visit). There are very few situations in which I feel shy or anxious anymore. Before just simple exchanges at the grocery store would send my stomach into knots. Now I sincerely don’t give a shit what people think or say about me.

I wake up earlier that I ever thought I would just to get a head start to my day. I spend extra time cleaning, getting ready, eating healthy before the sun even rises sometimes just to start off on the right foot.

All these little changes are what add up to really mean something in the grand scheme of things. By changing my habits for the better, I am not only happier with my own self, but I am setting the best example for my son as well.

I never thought a tiny person would have such a huge influence on my life. But he’s the reason I do what I do and I will continue to improve myself just for his well-being! Because that’s what it means to truly love your offspring, putting them above yourself, regardless of the circumstances, and no matter how challenging it may seem at the time.

For the mom who wants to give up

There’s no quitting motherhood. It’s the one commitment we make that there’s just no getting out of. But this doesn’t mean that some days we really just don’t feel up to the job.

I’ve been there many a times in just my short shy of one year span of parenthood.

I’ve sobbed, screamed, cursed, and felt hopeless at my ability to care for my son.

In between the third and fourth attempt within the same ungodly hour of the night to soothe him back to sleep by bouncing and moving about the room with half open eyes I have truly just felt at my lowest point sometimes.

I have felt completely ill equipped and doomed to be able to last through the extremely demanding task of caring for my little guy.

It is during these extremely trying times of wanting to just give up that I realize not only that I CAN do this. That I AM doing it.

I am raising him to the best of my ability. I am giving him my all. Every fibre of my being is devoted to keeping him happy, healthy, and mentally and physically growing in the right direction.

It doesn’t matter if it brings me to the brink of losing my sanity. You know why? Because just when I feel like I can’t take anymore, he will draw me back in.

He will reach out and touch my cheek ever so gently instead of smacking, biting, or pinching me when I least expect it.

He will gaze up at me with half closed sleepy eyes and I’ll see the twinge of a smile.

He’ll crawl to that corner of the room with all the cords tucked away and mischievously grin at me knowing I am going to come scoop him up just as soon as he reaches it.

He is my strength, he keeps me going, he’s what makes it all worth it.

And no, every day isn’t beautiful. I’m not the best mother in the world. I have made plenty of mistakes that I look back upon and cringe, and I am sure I will still make a couple dozen more. But what matters is that I’ll never give up on him, because he’s what’s given purpose to my life.

So for all the mom’s out there who feel like they just can’t bear another meltdown, another slightly forced feeding, or explosive blow out of a three day overdue poop, you’re doing it, and you’re doing it well.

GIve yourself more credit. Everyone around you will point out all the things you’ve done wrong. It’s just a reflection of their own insecurities with their parenting past. Just tune out the voices telling you can’t do it, and listen to the voice telling you you’re doing a perfectly fine job and to just keep going.

You’ll both make it and you’ll both look back at the days of diapers and dummies remembering only the sleepy smiles and tender touches.

It’s a short fleeting time in your life. There’s no need or expectation to try to enjoy every moment, but at least hold on to the moments that make it all worth it. <3

OMG! He looks just like… 

His dad. Yes. I get it. My son is the spitting image of his father. I have eyes too. I can see it. But guess what? His brains all me.

I kid I kid. He’s the perfect combination of the both of us. I like to think of him as having each of our best assets all combined into one. But a bigger question here is why does it really matter?

I remember when a family member of mine had her daughter. Her husband’s family felt the need to mention how so very like her father she was at every opportunity possible. Nobody on our “side” saw it though. Perhaps we both were a little biased.

I just wonder why people feel the need to emphasize which parent the child looks like. Does this make him or her belong to them more? Do they some how get bonus points that chromosomes paired together in such a manner that certain genes prevailed over others? Is it a sign of strength and superiority that their physical traits won?

I just don’t get it.

You know who the kid looks like? Themselves.

Stop with the battle over the poor child and focus on what matters most. Allowing a new young life to flourish and have the best chance possible of rising to their full potential.

And yeah, I know, I sound bitter. But I assure you I am not. I love my husband so why wouldn’t it make me happy to see a junior him running around in our happy home?

I just think it’s silly of relatives to put a bittersweet edge on things when a young mother is still finding her way. This life grew in me. It’s mine until I say it’s not anymore. Your offspring has heard your heart beat from the inside. There is no closer bond. So for heck’s sake give it a rest already!

IS YOUR MOTHER FACING THIS ADDICTION?

Have you noticed your mother acting different lately? Using less English, and more dramatic Punjabi or Hindi dialogue? Are they picking fights and seeing issues where they don’t exist? Well perhaps they have fallen victim to the Hindi-Drama-Apocalypse. It’s happening right in your homes and will reach its peak when you least expect it.

At first it’ll seem like nothing. Dinners will be late. Your daily complaints will fall upon deaf occupied ears.

Horrible, isn’t it? Well guess what? Maybe they DESERVE to have a few hours to themselves and enjoy a guilty pleasure or two since their entire existence has always been for the purpose to serve others.

It’s like all Indian mothers have taken an oath to provide for their family’s and maintain the household to a ‘T’ without a complaint. All responsibilities fall upon their shoulders. So, so WHAT if they enjoy a little escape from reality and some of the characterizations are rubbing off on them just a tad. I used to be part of it too. I would complain and secretly wish the ATN satellite would be somehow sent into oblivion in outer space and I would never have to hear the sound of a zoom in effect or collective gasp when a “thaal” falls or some other inauspicious event occurs. I felt like I just couldn’t bear these shows being blasted throughout my house 24/7.

But then it dawned upon me how much of a hypocrite I was being. I realized that I believed it to be okay to watch Friends reruns and endless Netflix series one after another but they can’t enjoy some cheesy mindless entertainment of their own?

Sure it kind of sucks that prior to the entrance of these dramas we actually had movie and family game nights to look forward to. But then I realized that at least now my mom actually had something to be excited about and discuss with her peers. The ongoings of Saloni and whether the seventh ‘phera’ she took was worth it. Or Lakshmi and her meddling boss. The only real complaint I have is about the never ending daughter and mother in-law dynamic storyline has been beaten to death with these shows so perhaps they need to find something else to grasp onto.

Yes, these shows are even more predictable than Hindi movies. And yes, they seem to be subtly influencing viewers across the world like some sort of cult. BUT, I still think all women across the world who rush through their chores to catch a glimpse of their show deserve this guilty pleasure. They should be left in peace to enjoy this time to themselves – dramatic sound effects and all.

Half A Year

He’s only been in this world for six months but I honestly can’t imagine my life without him now. This little guy has been in a rush to grow up from day one. Minutes after he was born he was wide eyed and taking in every inch of his surroundings. He reached out and grabbed my finger and has had a hold of my heart ever since.

Motherhood brings out a whole different kind of love in you. A selfless love. One in which you are willing to push everything aside in order to provide what’s best for your child.

Everyday he’s growing up and changing so much that I find myself just trying to keep up with everything sometimes. I can’t wait for all the adventures we will have in the next six months and for years to come after that. ?

Here’s a few images from Mahaans 6 month PhotoShoot courtesy of Ek Art Photography.

Be sure to check out her work at: www.ekartphotography.com

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My first Mother’s Day!

For my first Mother’s Day my husband surprised me with baloons and flowers and my cute little baby boy all dressed up with a Pandora bracelet in front of him! The charms were a baby boy shoe and two champagne glasses as our second wedding anniversary was the very next day!

We then had a family Photoshoot which was super fun since it was such a warm and sunny day. Our little guy was fast asleep through most of it though as you’ll see in the pictures below! Now I can’t wait until Father’s Day so I can make my husbands day just as special!

Photos courtesy of Ek Art Photography.

 

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It’s Almost Time…

There are no words which adequately express the feeling of life growing inside of you. Those tiny little kicks, punches, the rolling and pushing, and just knowing that this sweet, innocent, pure little being is a creation of you and the person you love most in the world is something truly miraculous. Two halves combined to make a perfect little whole. It’s an overwhelming and all encompassing powerful surge of love. You feel protective, vulnerable to the unknown, and empowered all at the same time. As time goes on and this child continues to grow, this feeling only amplifies – and when he or she is finally here I just know that feeling of completeness and love will be enough for an eternity. I struggle to find just the right words for this child (me at a loss for what to say – shocking I know) but what I know for certain is that this little one already has a hold of my heart  – now I just cannot wait to hold him or her in my arms.

Here are some images from a maternity shoot I had over the weekend. These moments were captured by Erin Sandhu of EkArt Photography.

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I will be posting my pregnancy story soon amongst other parenthood related topics as well — stay tuned!