Lately I haven’t been able to bring myself to write much of anything. Aside from my daily log of baby poops, feeds, nap and wake up times – I just didn’t feel like opening myself up and pouring out what was going on in my head.
I even stopped working on my novel because I was too darn wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself. But I think I just needed a knock in the head, or rather my toddler to chuck one of his gazillion toys at me to snap out of my mombie woes.
So yeah, I’m still in the thick of it. The crazy sleepless, physically and mentally exhausting time that is the first year of a child’s life hasn’t even begun to soften up.
Although, I do feel my head has finally come above water now that the newborn phase is over. My daughter was most definitely a colicky baby and the poor girl’s digestive problems were causing her to screech and cry at an ear piercing volume for the majority of the day and, unfortunately, the night as well.
But as each week passed, things began morphing and settling into a slightly calmer but still demanding pace. As I have spent the last few days engaging in a lot of self talk I’ve realized I’m being an absolute ungrateful pansy.
Instead of complaining about the difficulty and exhaustion of life with a 4 month old and an almost 3 year old I need to embrace this new role as a mom times two.
I spend every waking moment googling how to get my daughter to sleep through the night when my toddler son doesn’t even do that every night yet. It’s time to just suck it up and roll with the punches. It’s time to dust off, shake out these self-pitying thoughts and accept that for now, life revolves around these kids. Day and night. Whether it’s 4PM or 4AM, they need me. Because I’m their everything right now, and you know what they’re mine too.
This doesn’t mean I should completely revoke my right to b*tch about having to get up for the umpteenth time to try to settle my baby or snap when my son makes a face at the third dish I present to him. It’s okay to vent, and it’s also okay to take a breather and accept help. After all, you can’t pour from an empty pot. But what you can do is take a step back, and realize that all these moments that seem torturously difficult are the ones so many yearn for. And I’m so very blessed to have the family I do and to have the honour of being these two crazy little munchkins mommy.
Writing may have taken a back seat, for now, but I also think it’s time to replenish my expressive side by combining the two most important things in my world right now – the need to connect, and the need to care for my children. So from now on (as many have requested) the Amrita Literature page will be known as a mommy blog 🙂 …
Stay tuned to hear about what I have learned so far from two very different kiddos, and what products have helped me tend to their vastly different needs.
Thanks for sticking by in my absence,
I hope you’re all having a wonderful start to your new year!
– Amrita Lit