Speaking Words of Value

The other day I received a very kind message from a cousin on my husband’s paternal side of the family. She was encouraging me to write more blog posts as she found them enjoyable to read and thought I had a real knack for it. This message couldn’t have come at a better time as I was feeling really down on myself and as of lately wrapped up with emotions and anxiety about becoming a mother in the very near future.

Her words got me thinking – why is it that some people have the tendency to lift others higher, while others feel the need to only tear you down? It’s very rare to come across genuine and kind-hearted people these days. However, I realized that I grew up thinking that everyone always has everyone else’s best interest at heart. It’s a cold but hard truth to learn that oftentimes that really is not the case. Jealousy, bitterness, and grudges usually tarnish relationships among family members and friends alike.

I then started to wonder about what type of “vibe” I gave out to others. Sure over the last few years I have become rather recluse and closed myself off to close relationships with people as a result of the realization that most individuals just simply don’t care for your problems other than just being curious to hear your life is not the perfect image it appears to be. But was I guilty of this too? How many times a day did I see someone (usually via social media) with a better body than me, a seemingly better relationship, clearer complexion, fancier car, or a better career and I had negative thoughts towards them simply because of that?

Had society’s coldness towards me, froze my ability to feel good for others too? This tendency to speak negatively, or wish to bring others down, it becomes somewhat of a cycle then does it not? That’s the energy you put out to others – so that’s what you receive back, thus creating a rhythm of negativity and self-destruction. As I reflect upon what kind of child I wish to raise, and what type of values I wish to instill upon him or her I realize I must become more conscience of my words – and more attentive in my attempts to uncover why others may not be as kind as I think they should be.

Perhaps just taking the “higher road” and being kind regardless of how an individual treats you is the way to save yourself from become no different than them. Maybe we need not care if anyone has “the same heart as us” but protect ourselves from becoming just like them. Ultimately, you never know when your words might be the words to change someone for better – or for worse.

The Circle of Life

A year ago today my grandma passed away. We never really got a chance to say goodbye as I was on my honeymoon when she fell ill and my family thought it best not to let me know what was going on until they realized it wasn’t going to be one of those times where she makes a miraculous recovery and bounces back.

Even though we all knew it was coming, losing Bibi was most definitely one of the most challenging times of my life. And like most times of hardship usually one comes out on the other end a changed individual. Well thats definintely what the loss of Bibi did to me. It hardened me in ways I wasn’t ready for, it made me grow up quick, real quick. Not only was I dealing with the changes of just having moved out of my house away from my family and adjusting to a new one but now I had lost my person of security, my safe place.

To live a life as long as bibi’s is a blessing – it is the greatest hope anyone can wish for – to live long enough to not only see your grand-children grow up but also great grandchildren.

It is during that time period of extreme sadness and mourning that I realized what matters most in life is not things turning out exactly how you’ve envisioned, or having the perfect married life, or the perfect career – what matters most is family. That’s when I decided I knew it was time for me to start my own, and stop hiding behind the protection of being the “baby” of my own family.

So that was her final lesson to me – to grow up, and start  my own family so that one day I could be so lucky as her to be surrounded by loved ones at a old age in which I feel fulfilled with life’s journey and lessons learned along the way.

I miss her everyday, but I know in my heart wherever she is – she is at peace.

The Religion of Motherhood

As I slowly but surely enter the journey of motherhood I find myself pondering about which religious teachings I will pass down to my offspring. Growing up I found great comfort in learning there was a eternal and inherently all good, omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent being watching over me and listening to all my woes. I do believe childhood is a time of wonder and confusion in which guidance such as a simplified version of “be a good person because that is what God expects of you” would actually be a pretty decent tactic to help make the big bad world not seem so daunting in the eyes of a innocent child. After a few years, when the questions roll in – and surely they will – is the point at which I feel I’ll find myself at a crossroads. Most likely these questions will revolve around the confusion about the amount of evil and suffering in the world and why God just cant stop all those bad things from happening. Or more specifically, “why can’t God just help those starving children in Africa?” At some point surely this question will cross his or her perplexed mind – “why do people die young?” He or she may even begin to wonder why people have to perish at ALL.

When these questions came to my own mind is the point at which I began to search for answers and found myself on the path to atheistic beliefs. However, since then I like to think I have entered a stage of “higher enlightenment” so to speak that I now realize things aren’t exactly “black or white” when it comes to the existence of “God.” Of course I haven’t found all of the answers – but in my personal opinion, God can be whatever you want him/her/it to be. It can be doing good for the sake of being good. Or maybe even the realization of the importance of leading a honest and pure life in order to be in sync with ones “spiritual self.” This requires a certain level of emotional maturity and knowledge to understand.

To simply make a concrete decision stating that “God does or does not exist” is just coming to a clear cut conclusion to satisfy the need to avoid feelings of uneasiness that may be caused by the unknown. No one can say for certain what the truth is with religion. However I can safely say that when one finds themself void of ANY beliefs whatsoever – this is a dangerous path to tread. We must hold on to atleast some belief in order to keep ourselves striving for better and keeping love and hope alive in our hearts. Becoming someone who doesn’t look to any sort of higher power is to become an individual without any sort of thirst for life at all. To be faithless is to lose ones spark – one must never lose their inner light or quest to improve him or herself.

To conclude, and return to the original topic of motherhood and religion, I think I will allow my child the safety of religion and the comfort it offers. When he or she comes to an age at which they need MORE I will ensure they are equipped with the critical thinking skills to come to their own conclusion – free of the enforcement of my own or others opinions in order to avoid clouding their judgement. Perhaps this is what motherhood is all about – shielding your child for as long as possible from the eventual truths you know they may one day discover so to preserve the innocence that makes childhood what it is.

Feeling Little

Now this might be something only a select few can relate to but its something I have always noticed but just accepted to be normal – in my younger years I even conformed to it and began to put off a version of my self that encouraged it to occur even more. What I am talking about here is being judged for being an individual who looks younger than they are – and as a result being treated in various social situations in a belittling or condescending manner, just as an adult would behave with a child. I experience this everywhere from my workplace, to my home life, to even a brief interaction with a store clerk. At first I would shrink and turn in on myself shying away from these types of situations – which would only worsen the problem. If you look little, and you act little, you’re going to be treated that way too.

As soon as I started to recognize that people really did not have the right to be second guessing my knowledge or speaking to me in a condescending manner, when they would not typically do this with others, I started to practice behaviours which exuded confidence. These would be little changes like making direct eye contact, having a serious facial expression, and speaking in a clear confident tone. I noticed a huge dramatic and immediate change. Although we little ones have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously as the non-vertically challenged and more mature looking folk – it feels great when you command respect and actually receive it. One must also remember that you get what you give – giving off a professional vibe will encourage people to act in the same manner with you as well. We must never sell ourselves short – even if that’s what we see in the mirror.

I once watched a “TED talk” video on the topic of exuding confidence. The woman spoke not just about “faking it ’til you make it” but “faking it until you become it.” Surely acting big will not add inches to my short and petite stature or age and wisdom to my seemingly clueless looking face but the key tips that this speaker had on how to present yourself in daunting situations have actually proven useful many times in my own life. She spoke of exhibiting physical mannerisms such as standing tall and straight and other confident non-verbal cues in each and every social situation in which you may find yourself vulnerable to being treated in a demeaning manner. This seems to derive back to animalistic behaviours in which when a animal feels threatened they may puff out their feathers or fur, trying to cover more ground, letting the other guy know he means business. I suppose in today’s world this very same tenet can be applied and proven true. We are all just testing our limits and boundaries attempting to assert power over one another – but unlike in the animal world, the little guy doesn’t have to always lose the battle.

The Shameful Seniors of Surrey

We have all heard about the trouble that misbehaving youth cause in their teenage years when their decision making skills and priorities are not quite where they should be. However, what about an entirely different group of people whose problematic behaviour often goes unnoticed? What happens when there is repeated shameful behaviour being exhibited by the seemingly innocent and harmless senior citizens of our community?

To make matters even worse, in the Indo-Canadian community (as with many others) it is very common for our elderly to take on a religious image for themselves when they reach a certain age. This is why problematic behaviour such as; being publicly inebriated, engaging in various unlawful activities, or being enactors of domestic violence has become a real issue in our local community which requires dire attention.

These individual’s behaviour may remain undetected for quite some time because they are posing to be a member of a religious group which actually strictly forbids the types of behaviour they typically get away with. On the rare occurrence, these scenarios may catch the public’s attention when serious criminal acts are involved. This can be seen with the case of the Sikh temple leader who is facing attempted murder charges because in a fit of rage he ferociously beat his wife with a clothing iron – bringing her close to the brink of death. A religious hypocrite such as this man is the epitome of what is wrong with our male-dominated culture. He is a sole example of what can go wrong when one assumes he is superior to all female counterparts. It could be assumed that this type of daily entitled behaviour has lead him to act in a viciously violent manner – that too at an age in which wisdom is meant to have come naturally with experience. One could summarize that if one lives his entire life believing himself to be entitled to demean and victimize women, then this mentality only sharpens with age – it does not subside.

This becomes a real issue when young impressionable eyes are watching as their fathers and grandfathers act in such a manner which could one day lead to a woman being hospitalized and fighting for her life. At what point will the psyche of our men develop into that of what is expected of them by the founding fathers of the religion they pose themselves to belong to? Surely there must be a turning point of some sort in which this all finally comes to an end.

We read these stories – and we feel enraged. We share them on social media and members of other communities click their tongues with disgust. We feel shame and perhaps even guilt at the thought that a supposed member of our own faith has acted in such a barbaric manner.

Certainly exhibits of behaviour similar to that of Baldev Kalsi (the Sikh temple president) are not the norm – it is only a select few individuals who are at fault. The majority of people of all ages who belong to the Indo-Canadian community are not contributors to this growing shameful social image. This is why it is in our power – those of us who are capable of recognizing such problematic behaviours, to work together to save the reputation of the culture for which we are responsible. The next time one sees an elderly member of our community acting shamefully – make it be known to them. Perhaps at least identifying the problem may spark the change which needs to occur in order to prevent such occurrences from being repeated.

 

The Follower Effect

The technological advancements we have seen over the past few decades have not only revolutionized the manner in which we communicate but have also been largely influential on our thought processes as well. It seems as though people are no longer living for the moment but rather the social image. We are all in a constant state of a need for validation. We have created a persona of ourselves in which we are constantly behaving and portraying ourselves in the manner in which we will appear most favourable to others. Surely this is not a new tendency as society has always valued the opinions of others. However, when does the need to be “liked” both virtually and literally become clinical?  One must stop and wonder how much of what they do in their day to day lives is for the sole purpose of gaining popularity and deriving confidence from their social networks.

It seems as though we have reached a point in our technologically advanced world in which our basic emotions can be determined based on the reaction one receives to what they are putting out there on the virtual global sphere. We take several of pictures of ourselves with slight variations in the angle to find that perfect shot that will gain us the most praise. We share every detail of what we are currently eating, wearing, doing, with whom, why, and for how long. What is the purpose of all of this? To impress others? What of ones opinion of his or herself? How could one be truly enjoying the moment if they are constantly wrapped up with how to best capture that moment so that they can share it to hundreds of their “closest friends.”

It could be argued that this may be a primitive competitive instinct seeping through our touch screens – to appear superior, to be more desirable to the opposite sex, and appear as a threat to our own gender. One could strip it down to being as basic as this. Or it could simply be that we are all just that insecure that we must place precedence of ones false adoration for us over pride in ourselves.

This phenomenon has become fairly prevalent amongst the youth of today. However, it can be seen across various age ranges. Anyone technologically savvy must have at least one or two forms of social networking – to which they are constantly “plugged” in to.

All of this seems fairly harmless – I mean after all it is just pictures and words. There is no problem with utilizing these time occupying tools as a form of expression. However, what irks me about all of this is the danger it poses to our ability to be critical thinkers. Living in this world of explosive internet information from unaccredited sources is a real danger. We are all becoming passive recipients of information. Never applying critical thought, never second guessing the plethora of information we are consuming with every click or scroll.

I wonder what is to come in the near future, if we all become followers – whose the one taking the lead?

A Soul-less City

I live in a fairy violent city. Not Compton in California violent but threatening enough to make you think twice before going somewhere alone at night. Every other day various local news outlets spew the names of victims and the related incidents from the prior day. Occasionally, a familiar name is announced. Surely enough, nearly as quick as the incident has occurred, that same name has already been plastered all over my social media newsfeed. The condolescences, the RIP messages, the pictures with dates marking the beginning and end of the individual’s life written under them – and I get that horribly familiar knot in my stomach that another young (and usually completely preventable) death has occurred.

Death is a hard fact of life which the majority of people struggle to understand. The finality of it, the loss, and the pain felt by those left behind. However, young death is a completely different sort of evil. One that I will just never be able to wrap my head around.

The unfortunate thing about Surrey residents is that in many cases these lives are lost for completely astonishing reasons. People are killed because of a commitment of “beef” or mutual dislike shared between two or more people. This can be triggered by something as trivial as a bad glance, a few drunken encounters, or simply because somebody just doesn’t like another person for whatever other pointless reason. This infamous city seems to be filled with individuals who have relatively easy going lives with unjustifiably hard knock mentalities.

The factors which lead to placing oneself in the wrong situation at the wrong time are countless. Once one brings his or herself into the “Surrey loop” or way of life, the threat of violence is common and expected. Many youth become sucked into this mentality and become passive victims to it. However, what of the culprits of violent acts of crime? What goes through the minds of those who are the ones with the upper hand in situations which end with a life being lost. They may have been in a more compromising situation on other occasions but this time they are the ones in control, and with their actions in that very moment they determine the fate of their target.

It is commonly known that our justice system does not adequately act as a deterrent from such behaviour. Amongst our youth it seems to be a well known fact that even if involved in serious criminal activity – there’s a high likelihood that individual will not even have any real consequences to face. However, many questions arise even if the wrong-doers do get off “scott-free.” I wonder what of their morals and ethics? Do they engage in the thought process that they single handedly broke the tie between a mother and her son, created a brother-less sister, and cut a life short of so many more experiences and relationships to fulfill. They are the root cause of the countless tears and agonizing screams of loved ones. They are the reason a family will have to eternally say goodbye to someone for a typically petty reason. Surely they must feel some sort of remorse and if they don’t..where is your soul Surrey?

Upon examining the common factors amongst those who engage in seemingly heartless behaviour it seems one characteristic that is commonly found is impulsivity. This tendency to act without the consideration of consequences is expressed in many facets of their life. For example, one who engages in violent behaviour most likely also takes drugs, doesn’t have a lot going on career-wise, and is genuinely just someone who does not contribute anything of substance to society. They are ignorant to the depth of their actions. It is a sad but true reality that at any moment another life could be lost solely due to the fact that someone prioritizes his or her desire to protect their ego and social stature rather than the value of a person’s life.

The future of this city seems to be headed more and more towards the likeness of other historically dangerous and impoverished cities around the world. However, the general population of Surrey is at a fairly good economic standpoint and come from families of proud backgrounds, but still continue to act shamefully. One can only hope Surrey’s youth stops struggling with such unnecessary hardships and can rise above this current collectively destructive psyche.

Wow, YOU wrote that?

It started about midway through high school, when I actually started caring about academic achievement. The entire class would be eagerly waiting to receive their test scores of our last exam. Everyone would be saying how they’re sure they failed, expressing regret over not studying more, and promising to do so for the next one. I too would sit there anxiously, but pretty confident I most certainly did not flunk the whole thing. Pretty much as soon as the teacher would slide the papers into our hands everyone would start questioning one another – “what did you get?”  I never really had much interest in sharing marks but one day one of my friends flipped over my test which I had tucked away under a binder and her eyes shot wide open – “YOU got 90%?! YOU’RE SMART?!” She shouted it as more of an accusation rather than a statement. This gathered a whole lot of attention and pretty soon I was dubbed as the surprisingly smart girl of the school.

This reaction followed me all the way to University where low and behold someone would catch a glimpse of one of the marks on my papers or exams and have pretty much that same standard reaction. I initially responded to this by brushing it off and rationalizing it as a fluke. But then something strange started to happen, I started to receive grief for getting good grades. It seemed like it actually ticked people off that I would study just as much as them, but receive A’s and A+’s. This is when I decided to change tactics and start getting defensive.  Whenever someone would raise their eyebrow and give me that snarky remark about “well, you don’t even need to study, you’re going to get a perfect mark anyway” or “why are you even stressed about the test – you know you’re going to ace it” I felt genuinely offended. I began to wonder what exactly was it about me that gave people the initial impression that I just couldn’t possibly be “one of the smart ones” and that if I somehow did sneak into this classification of people – that I didn’t really deserve to be there?

I graduated with a BA in Psychology – but still was never able to solve this mystery. Now, as I have tentatively stepped into the blogosphere – I find myself facing these same questions once again. Except now, it is not just my barely acquainted classmates questioning me; it is my friends and family who are shell-shocked by my ability to string words together in a semi-decent fashion to convey some sort of meaningful message. My blog is by no means where I want it to be readership wise and my writing is far from perfect – I am completely aware of that. However, I am fairly proud of the response I have gotten thus far. The views and comments I have been receiving  has even given me the confidence I needed to begin submitting articles to my local South Asian Newspaper. Needless to say, finally stepping out of my shell and being comfortable enough with myself to put my very personal thoughts out there in this form of expression has had a pretty fantastic outcome. The only thing that irks me – is the people in my personal social circle – cannot seem to comprehend how little ol’ me could possibly be the person behind the screen.

“I had no idea you were smart!” “What’s your education?” “So like, does someone edit it for you?” “Wow, you wrote that all by yourself?!” These are just some of the things I heard from people after I hesitantly began sharing my posts to my personal Facebook page.

Perhaps it is my miniature sized appearance or my quiet demeanor, regardless of what makes people determine these snap judgements I’ve learned to realize it really does not matter. The truth is we all do it – we all mentally categorize people into the groupings of where we think they belong based on our biased opinions of them.

For my fellow bloggers – how do you feel about sharing posts with your immediate social circle? Were you apprehensive about doing so at first? Have any of you ever experienced this feigned shock in reaction to your writing abilities?

Comment below and feel free to share if you can relate!

Losing our “Kaur”

Being an ethnic minority in the Western world can be a real struggle. This holds especially true for individuals who have immigrated here. However, what about the second generation immigrants? There is a near tangible mental stress related to this challenging duality of life. Perhaps this comes with the territory of being a foreigner of two countries to which one supposedly belongs. One country is the home of our roots, and the other is from where we have gained our wings.

Oftentimes an individual is forced to make choices which indirectly reinforce exactly how “Indian” or how “Canadian” he or she is. Depending on what stage of life one is in, his or her tendency to choose either way may vary.

The time of one’s life in which feeling torn between worlds can be especially troublesome is during adolescence. This is typically a period of life in which people try to assert their independence and carve out an identity for themselves. Well, one can just imagine how challenging this could be if the individual is constantly battling between two ways of life.

More specifically, the majority of the Indo-Canadian youth of today are born to parents who have immigrated here. No matter how many years ago this may have been – many of them still carry with them the values which have been ingrained in them from their “motherland.”

Parents often have certain expectations of their child to fall in line with these more “Indian” ways of life. This could cause the teen to be forced to create two personas for themselves.

This may be a generalization, and it could be argued that teens from various backgrounds have a “social self” and a “family self.” However, this divide is much more accentuated in the case of having two major influential cultures a part of one’s daily life. One must question – when does that divide become damaging to the formation of a clearly defined identity?

This issue becomes even further so magnified when the individual struggling with this balance of life at such a vulnerable age is an adolescent female. There is no doubt that females experience differential treatment in comparison to their male counterparts in Indian culture. There may be various justifications for this tendency. However, it makes it all that much harder to develop an identity which falls in line of what is expected of them.

Looking back to my adolescent years I think back to the manner in which I portrayed myself as an Indo-Canadian female. I think back to all the times I was forced to choose between what I wanted to do and what I knew I should do. I was so wrapped up in making sure my parents did not ever discover what my “social self” was up to. Before I knew it, many years had passed, and I realized the only person I was fooling was myself. I am sure many would agree that it is not a good feeling to realize you have abandoned your roots for a vision of a version of yourself that turns out to be someone you are not exactly proud of.

All of these factors could be the reason for which so much of our youth are engaging in shameful behaviour. Parents must move with the times and just accept the fact that chances are it is not the neighbours kids and it is not their kids friends. It is their kids who are perhaps behaving promiscuously, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and yes – in a potentially intimate relationship much before the thoughts of marriage cross their minds.

The only word of advice that can be given to parents struggling with a seemingly distant teen is to understand that if their child is growing up in a Western culture – they must be prepared for and accept westernized behaviours. They must anticipate and educate themselves about them. There is no need to wait for that shocking moment when his or her child shows up at their front door with a police officer, comes home belligerently intoxicated, or is spotted by an extended family member engaging in some sort of other “shameful” activity.

Perhaps if the youth were to feel accepted for the representation of the blend of two nations that they are – they will be more capable of forming an identity for themselves. This would be a version of themselves who they could be proud of. They will no longer feel the need to behave a certain way to fit in with their peers or to please their parents.  Perhaps this will allow our children to develop into well-rounded and self-assured individuals.

Although many parents current tactic for dealing with disgruntled youth is greater restriction and biased treatment towards their daughters – this is not the answer. We must raise these children higher and empower them with trust. Allow them to make their own decisions even if they falter along the way. At least it will prevent them from becoming lost in a version of themselves which does not do them justice. It will bring back the importance of being individuals of substance with strong values.

The Children of a Male-Dominated Culture

Today I saw something unnerving. Something that made me uncomfortable to the point of where I wanted to intervene but I just could not gain the courage to do so. After all, this is Surrey, and no matter what your intentions are, you never quite know what reaction you will receive.

I was in the parking of a local supermarket when I saw a toddler in the seat of a grocery cart wide-eyed and afraid as he watched his father roughly pull back his mother by her shirt and then aggressively moving her by her waist. This action flung her away from their vehicle, interrupting her while she was buckling their infant daughter into her car-seat.

On the way home I thought of all the things I should have said. I wondered if the man was aware that his son was watching his every move. His impressionable and innocent little mind was absorbing his mannerisms while taking in his seemingly misplaced anger. He was being influenced by the scene playing out before him. I wondered how many times this little boy had been a silent witness to this type of situation before.

I thought of the even younger child whom the mother was tending to when she was so rudely and aggressively halted. I thought of how she felt knowing her mother was being berated for failing to care for her quick enough. She supposedly “failed” at performing a task which she probably engages in several times a day – the tedious but crucially important task of buckling up your most prized possession. I wondered how the father would feel if one day his daughter grew up to be treated by a man in this same regard.

My next line of thought was about his physical appearance. He was a Sikh man. I deducted such to be true based on the turban he wore upon his head and his distinguished long beard. This was his mark of being Sikh. However, his behaviour was that of  a male who operates under the presumption that his wife and children are subordinates to his dominant self.

In the moment before we drove away I saw the embarrassment and a sliver of annoyance flicker in the woman’s eyes. I remembered what it felt like to be a child witnessing the occasional instance when one of the men in my own family lost their patience with their wives, daughters, or sisters.

Although this single brief interaction I witnessed was not enough to undoubtedly conclude that this man was physically abusive towards his wife, it was enough to receive the message that he thought himself to have the right to act in such an aggressive and belittling manner. It was evident that he believed it was acceptable for him to literally fling his wife in any which way he desired, in the presence of small impressionable eyes.

What is this male dominant mentality which runs through the historical veins of my culture? How much of it contributes to the issues that our youth face today? — Who were once those small confused and scared children aware that what they were watching was wrong but not old enough to speak on it. Is it safe to assume that this then becomes a endless cycle of poor values learnt by example?

No matter how forward-thinking we may think we are, surely some of us have grown up amongst frequent exhibits of this type of behaviour and were at some point subconsciously influenced by it. Most likely, the majority of us did not even question it to be anything out of the norm until we reached a certain age of knowing better. This is a generalization and surely there are many Indian men who do not act in such a manner. However, it is most definitely common enough to be something which seems to be a main aspect of Indian culture.

Last but most certainly not least: What does it really mean to wear a Turban? Do these individuals realize that when they are  wearing it they are a walking representation of Sikhism.It is not a fashion statement nor should it be worn out of obligation. It should be proudly displayed as a symbol of ones faith. It is meant to serve as a solidification that the individual agrees with the tenets by which the Gurus who wore them before us lived their lives in accordance with. If one is exhibiting small-minded behaviour and emotional immaturity, he should not bring himself into this world of such a prestigious class of people. These individuals should not only re-think their physical image, but question their inner moral fibre as well.

Readers, if you were to see something like this around you – how do you suppose it make you feel? Would you intervene? Would the ethnicity of the individual acting poorly have an effect on your willingness to act? Do you agree with my beliefs of the pre-requisites of wearing a turban? Feel free to comment below with your opinion about these unfortunate and all too common occurrences.