Happily Never After – The Truth About Indian Relationships

I’ve been in a relationship ever since chingy was the number one artist in the world of Hip Hop and R&B. My singificant other and I skipped school together, grew our own identities yet managed to remain close, and formed a rollarcoaster of a life including a hoot of a three year marriage and a rambunctious little one year old.

Every now and then I come across someone who tells me how so very LUCKY I am to have a husband. As if it’s a rare jackpot of a scenario to find and marry someone you can actually stand (for the most part). When I ask these subtly glum individuals if they’re seeing anyone or getting married soon – since they’re typically my peers or slightly younger – they simply respond that “there’s no good (guys or girls) left out there.”

I usually can’t comprehend exactly what this means. “Good” meaning they do their own dishes and mind their p’s and q’s? Or good as in meet their checklist of standards for their dream significant other? Then I’m usually forced to listen to their horror stories of past relationship failures and cringeworthy stories of the dating world (aka club scene) in Vancouver.

I just can’t help but wonder, where have all the good girls and guys gone to hideaway?

If there’s a seemingly equal amount of guys and girls on the prowl, who are all looking to settle down with smart, attractive, and successful individuals, then why can’t they seem to simply make their way to one another?

Here’s my theory..(and you all knew there had to be one). The reason people are getting married later and later and more and more engagements/relationships are being called off is because people have built up an unrealistic ideal of what it means to be in a relationship. We grow up watching television programs and movies which depict relationships amongst people of a complete different background and upbringing.

Not to mention the fact that in current day, social media makes it appear like those of us married with kids or simply in a relationship are just picture perfectly happy on and off the screen. Here’s the cold hard truth though, ain’t nobody pulling out chairs for us and showering us with bouquets unexpected flowers. Just sit there and smile as you sip your Mc Donald’s coke with Crown mixed into it on “date night.” That’s about as much wining and dining you’re going to get honey.

Our men (the Indo-Canadian ones) simply haven’t been raised in the manner to be these respectful chivalrous gentlemen which we have so pine-fully dreamt of our entire adolescent years. This ideal image we have created of what our perfect mate should be like is much too unattainable for the simple fact that – they don’t exist.

Now I like to keep things fairly unbiased and impartial so I don’t want to seem like I’m bashing all apnay (Indian) men here. I’ve heard plenty of guys complain about the fact there aren’t any “good” girls out there either. Well to you all I’ve got to say – where are ya’ll lookin? ‘Coz if it’s in the lineup to caprice (is that still a club?) then you best get your butt enrolled in a post-secondary institute of some sort and begin your hunt for a good wife there.

Book smarts tend to equal a well rounded individual – for the most part. So shape up your expectations and start looking in the right places. What you surround yourself with, and how you behave, is what you will attract.

Be the man you’d want your sister to be with, and be the woman you’d expect your daughter to be – and maybe, just maybe, you’ll come across that special someone, get married, and then bitch about the fact they’re nothing, nothing at all like Ryan Gosling or even Prince Adam from the little mermaid for that matter.

What does everyone think about this? Am I being overly pessimistic? Is it right to hold out for “the one?” Or is it time to accept that there’s only one way to get married – by lowering your standards and expectations and just settling for a secure and comfortable life.

Please do let me know in the comment section below or on my Facebook like page!

Published by

Amrita Literature

-Indo+Canadian (not minus)
-Manager of Prabu Foods Inc. & Shahi Fashions by day
-Social media soap box advocate by night.

9 thoughts on “Happily Never After – The Truth About Indian Relationships”

  1. I believe if you focus on yourself and try to be the best person you can be then you will find somebody likewise and make each other better. Thus giving the impression of an amazing marriage.

    1. Hello Dr. D,

      Good point. If everybody spent half the time creating the best version of themselves they possibly could as they did trying to find or shape the perfect mate – perhaps they’d be self-gratified enough to be happily married in any situation, even if it is less than ideal.

      1. I agree! It is all about learning how to be happy, content & grateful within our own individual self first.. Only then can one become a loving, resilient & mindful partner & parent

  2. Interesting. In my opinion individual priorities have changed as well as society as a whole. There is a high volume of individuals that do not live by a check list and in parallel there is an equal amount that do. What one considers to be “prepared” for marriage and “seeking” – these are all individually defined. I truly do believe that we don’t live in a time where society is a herd of sheep and we all follow the same norm. With that said, I, personally have many friends that have waited to step into the chapter of marriage later on in life (35 and up) because they have followed their own destiny to define what the “one” is. Also know many successful young lovers that married in early 20 ‘ s and still celebrating the bliss. In all, what is a “good one” ??? Yes, there are those men out there that will be your prince. Again – define prince romantic. ..someone who is macho or an individual that showcases chivalrous ways. Women have evolved as men have. I think the question of marriage and not being married is something that needs to be understood at and deeper level. Some are wonderful and full of life without marriage too. It’s all self exploration, I do believe we are seeing more non married relationships become socially acceptable regardless the age in our community. There are many intelligent, well rounded people to be met and understood outside of institutions as well. Life is a journey, embrace it with its entirety. The only good ones are what you model yourself to be and accept.

    1. Thanks for your comment Reena. I suppose I agree with your point that being happily married or the definition of a success marriage is completely subjective. Just like you said, we all need to focus on sorting ourselves out first before looking for a life partner!

  3. Amrita this is an important issue you have brought up. I have seen cousins who are now at the proverbial marriageable age (20-25) in the Indian community look at their significant other who they”be been dating for a while in a different light. One girl cousin started dating her boyfriend in grade 11 and now in her early 20’s is seeing the subtle pressure from parents.
    The guy’s mother has said ” when you two tie the knot I expect you to make your own way in life just like we had to in this country.” I wondered how many future desi mother in laws say this. Instead we have big fat Indian weddings with all their splendour and no one thinks about the complexities that come with a) being newly married and b) adjusting to a new family environment.

    I just hope for the sake of my cousin she sees the subtle message in her future mother in laws comments. It will be in her benefit to go to school right now, train for a solid career and will be ready to face life on her own terms.

    In the meantime I continue to attend the lavish weddings and hope the smiling bride and groom on the stage are blessed with wedded bliss once the reception is over.

    Ravi

    1. Hi Ravi,

      Thank you for your comment. That’s interesting to hear of a mother in law say that, most of the time you hear about how they wish for their kids to stay close to the nest and not worry about finding independence etc. I definitely agree with you about girls needing to find their own source of income before jumping into a lifelong union with someone. Perhaps the next generation will become more aware of this need and slow down in their quest for a fairy tale life.

      Amrita

  4. When I was a little girl my Dad knew how much I loved to watch Bollywood movies! To this day I remember my Dad telling me this what I see in Bollywood movies, books or anywhere on screen is not real. I still watch Bollywood movies but I do know the difference between reality and fantasy. I feel as if a lot for people are not told as children that what you see on screen is not real and there is more to a relationship than what you see on screen.

Leave a Reply